Mag review

People 9/12/11 The Children of 9/11

*The cover of this issue is poignant; 9 year old Lauren McIntyre looks wistful and sad as she holds a pendant she wears around her neck, containing a picture of her father Donald, who died on September 11th. I feel so sad for all of the children who will only know their dead parents through oral histories and photographs.

* There is a new kind of BAND-AID: designer ones. The tag line is Hurt Couture and shows a fashion model in funky, high-heeled boots with a skinned knee. Jesus Christ, now we have another bandage choice?!?!?!?!? If you can't walk in your damn shoes, don't wear them. And if you skin your knee, don't buy fashion bandaids. Seriously, there are bigger things to worry about (says the woman who uses SpongeBob bandaids).

* A photo in StarTracks shows Cameron Diaz with a fake baby bump on the set of What To Expect When You Are Expecting. I can't remember if I have mentioned this before, but WHY IS A MOVIE BEING MADE BASED ON A PREGNANCY BOOK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?

*Scoop's article in this issue is about Petra Ecclestone, the heir to Formula One racing. Her wedding, at 22 years old, was estimated to have cost $8 million. Wowza. I don't have a problem with her spending her money how she wants but Holy Cow! I hope her marriage lasts and that the money was worth spending.

*So, believe it or not, there are reality show-born romances that have lasted! Trista and Ryan, Rob and Amber, Ethan and Jenna, and a few other couples have stood the test of time (read: longer than a year). Not all of the couples are married but they all say that privacy, communication, and the lack of a need to be famous have helped maintain healthy and happy relationships. Cheers to them!!!

*The tyranny of choice strikes again! Diet Pepsi has a new skinny can because we need it, right? Wrong.

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People 9/19/11 with Kate and her 8

*This issue, as well as the previous, has a bunch of ads for fall's many new TV shows. This issue is plugging, among others, the revamped Charlie's Angels. I did not watch the original when I was a kid but I saw both movies (liked the first, the second, not so much. I have no interest in this new series. I can't imagine how it will make it with all the other shows that have similar plots. Then again, maybe it will be a breakout hit. The tagline of the ad is "They're Not Saints." Hopefully, for the three actresses, "They're Not Unemployed" in a few weeks.

*StarTracks has a photo of Slash, his wife Perla, and their two sons posing during the couple's vows renewal. Ironically, he is NOT wearing his famous top hat while her veil has a mini white replica of it on top. It looks horrid.

*Cottonelle toilet paper is now offering roll covers so that you can "Respect the Roll" that sits on the back of your toilet. I think I am going to have a stroke! WTF??? They are claiming that is is mean to leave their "most care-worthy roll yet" uncovered! I am sorry, but IT IS TOILET PAPER! It wipes your ass, your nose, holds boogers, and hair from the drain. And it is not a person! The ultimate show of respect for TP is to flush it down the toilet- that means it was chosen to be the one to keep the nether regions clean! Really though, just keep the TP under the sink and please do not succumb to the ploys of advertising encouraging the purchase of nonsense.

*There is an article about the West Memphis 3 being released from prison. I vaguely knew the details of this case. I am glad that these young men were freed and I applaud the efforts of their defense teams and supporters, famous and not, to shine light on the truth. I hope for peace, recovery, and strength for Damien Echols, Jessie Miskelley, and Jason Baldwin as they re-enter normal life.

*Kate Gosselin and her children are the cover story for this issue. She states, "My family can't be canceled." No, buy you could have canceled your show when you and your husband starting having on-air fights and were barely speaking. You could have canceled your show when two of your children were kicked out of their classroom for bad behavior. You could have canceled your show when it started having ANY negative effect on ANY member of your family. You could have canceled your show when you and your ex and your bodyguard and your ex's 20-something girlfriends became tabloid and paparazzi fodder. You could have chosen not to go on ANOTHER show (DWTS) and spend even more time away from your kids. I have NO sympathy whatsoever for you, Kate. You made your bed- now you and 8 innocent little kids get to sleep in it.

*Helen Mirren dated Liam Neeson??? She snorted coke??? Wow.

*Oy! As a picky and not adventurous eater, I LOLed at a piece about Fancy Ketchup. Caribbean Pink Guava ketchup? Jack Daniel's Maple? Banana ketchup? Blackberry?? My ketchup is from Heinz and is made with tomatoes. These are snobby, trendy sauces that I wouldn't put a french fry in if you paid me.

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People 9/26/11 with Toddlers and Tiaras

*A reader writes to the MailBag regarding KK's wedding to Kris Humphries, "This is a dream come true for Kim, and I can't wait to see what's next for her and hubby Kris." Umm, LOTS of money when their wedding is shown on E!, public fascination with their lives, public speculation when one of them is within 20 feet of a member of the opposite sex or when one of them is not wearing a wedding ring, meddling from family, TMI attempts at baby-making to be shown on television, and the inevitable break-up. Have fun!!!

*Although it is none of my beeswax, I find it amazing how fast George Clooney moved on to dating another woman (Stacey Keibler) after ending things with Elisabetta Canallis. I guess some people can't be alone. I also find it amazing (although I know what sells magazines) that everyone assumed that because J. Lo and Bradley Cooper had dinner that that means they are dating. I mean, if I was a business woman, as J. Lo is, and wanted to get together with someone to discuss business at dinner, I should be able to do that without people thinking I was on a date. This is when I feel sorry for celebrities.

*Okay, so Toddlers and Tiaras. I have mixed feelings about this show. I know a lot of it is melodramatic for ratings. I know that many of the kids like doing pageants and lead relatively normal lives when they aren't competing. I know that some of the kids truly are brats and that some of the moms are truly bitches. Many of these kids are precocious. Many of them will continue on in the pageant world. Many of them will learn valuable life skills while competing. My only hope is that as soon as one of the kids says she wants to stop, let her stop. And seriously, the slut outfits, fake boobs and plastic teeth need to go away NOW!!!

Okay! Back in a few weeks!!!





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