Magazine Review #2

Sexiest Man Alive issue of People:

Joan M. Schmitt complains in a reader letter that "people are starving all over the world, and [Kanye West] is talking...about replacing his lower teeth with diamonds and gold... Couldn't that money have been better spent providing food to those who have nothing to eat?" While I agree that KW's new, expensive teeth are over the top (I can't stand him either, BTW), he has absolutely no obligation to spend his money on food for the hungry. If he did, would it be nice? Of Course! Does he donate to charity? I don't know if he does but neither does Ms. Schmitt. So until she asks him what his charitable contributions for the year have been, she has no right to expect him not to spend his money on himself, however outlandish.
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There is a big article in this issue about the engagement of a certain royal couple. I found it so touching that Prince William gave Kate Middleton his late mother's engagement ring. Some people have said it seems weird or macabre or inappropriate. I think if she were still alive, I would agree but also think Wills would not have given the ring to Kate if his mom was still alive. With Diana being gone, it truly is his way of including his wonderful mom in his proposal to a girl who I think will make a poised and proper princess.
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There are 2 ads for shoes that "tone your muscles". One is for Reetone and the other is for Fitflop, the boot with the gym built-in. Reebok's shoe claims "better legs and a better butt with every step" and Fitflop says you will get 19% more quadricep activation, 30% longer bottom muscle activation and 16% more hamstring activation. I say you will see 100% of your money going to a sham product. Unless you are an active person, getting the right amount of exercise, and eating right, these shoes are NOT going to get you in shape. If I wear them to the refrigerator every time I fill my bowl with more ice cream or walk in them to the McDonald's counter and then pig out, they ain't gonna do me any good. So I will not ask Santa for any for Xmas.
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A touching ad for Make-A Wish features Patrick Henry high school, in San Diego. The kid who made the wish is Darren and he wished for new uniforms for his school's football team. This is awesome. I have no problem with sick kids wishing for a meeting with a favorite star or trip to Disneyland but this kid's wish, while fighting cancer, to help his school, is inspiring and heartwarming. Go Darren and Go PH Patriots!!!
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GW's book, Decision Points, is reviewed in this issue. I have only a few words about this: I have made an irrefudiatable decision point: I will neither read this book nor buy it for either of my grandparents, mom, or uncle for Christmas. Do not misunderestimate this statement. Thank you.
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Sexiest Men Alive:
Ryan Reynolds- yes
Leonardo- YES!!
Bradley Cooper- Yes!
Justin Timberlake- yes
Jake Gyllenhaal- Yes!
Chad Ochocinco- uh, YUMMMM!
Robert Pattinson- sure
Channing Tatum- No
Matt Leblanc- No
Michael Bolton- NO!!
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New Reality Show alert!!!!! The Hasselhoffs. You don't want me to "Hassel the Hoff?" Don't hassle me with ANOTHER show about a has-been actor with alcohol and parenting problems. I will let you know when I care.
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Okay, that's it for this edition. Tune in next time for more ripping of rehabbing celebs, royal rumors, and ridiculous Reeboks.

Magazine review

I read trashy celeb magazines- I admit it. I usually look at the pictures and read small articles and sometimes read the cover articles, if they interest me. Most of the time, I find some comment from a celebrity or reader (who has sent in a comment) that irritates me. So, I am going to start reviewing my magazines and write about the irksome crap I read.

People Magazine November 22, 2010 issue with Kim Kardashian on the cover-

The MailBag has a letter from a woman who complains that People mentioned the deaths of Tom Bosley (Mr. C.) and Barbara Billingsley (June Cleaver) with only a few words in the Passages section. She states, "...all you could muster by way of a tribute was a hundred or so words combined for these two television icons... People, I am disappointed with you." She goes on to bitch about the amount of space the mag gives to the "latest trivial celebrity breakup."

While I agree, even as a frequent reader of the mags, that we as a culture spend too much time worrying about which star is breaking up with whichever other star, these magazines would not sell as many issues if Tom Bosley was on the cover. Happy Days and Leave It to Beaver have not been relevant for decades. Many of the mag's readers may not even know who the Beav's mom is. People Magazine respected the deaths of these 2 definite TV icons by devoting space, albeit small, to their passings. People owes them no more.

Would it have been bad to do a 1-2 page article on their careers? No. Is the magazine required to do a 10 page spread on every old-time celebrity who dies? No. Jill Clayburgh got a 1 page article in this issue because she was on a current TV show. If Tom Selleck died, he would get more of a mention because he is from more recent TV history and also has a current show. If Angelina Jolie died, she would be on the cover of every magazine because she is relevant now. Is this fair? Maybe not but that's how magazines sell- Americans want what is current and with our short attention spans, stars have to fight to stay in the limelight. I mourn the passing of 2 of televisions greatest parents and think People gave them the respect they deserved.

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There is a 2 page ad for "Oprah's Ultimate Favorite Things" in which she is shown as a skinny version of herself. Not that I care what Oprah weighs or how she looks but I am left to wonder: Is being skinny one of her ultimate favorite things?

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Apparently, there is a new reality show (really?!?!?!?!?! There are so few of them!!! Snark.) called BRIDALPLASTY (The only competition where the winner gets cut). Hunh. Is that so. The picture shows a bride holding a bouquet of syringes, scalpels, and surgical instruments. I am... I don't know... how am I supposed to feel about this? The tag line is "Before the winner walks down the aisle-- She'll go under the knife." What??? Appalling. Horrible. All 12 women are pretty. Why would they do this? Well, because they want to. They want that instant fame that comes these days from being on shows like this. Seriously, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino stands to make millions from endorsement deals and made $100,000 for dancing on TV for 4 weeks. What was he doing before? Working at a regular job making not millions of dollars. So I guess it goes back to what I said earlier about being current in the public eye. Whatever it takes to be seen, noticed, paid to do crazy things like get a nose job or brow lift before your wedding. Who am I to judge?

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Kat Von D. Don't like her, which is beside the point. She has a new book out called The Tattoo Chronicles. I won't be reading it. When asked about the past year with Jesse James, the cheating idiot ex of Sandra Bullock, she says, "That will probably be the Tattoo Chronicles II. But if you want to ask me about my personal life, you're going to hear crickets." I am all for celebrities keeping their personal lives personal, but this woman has chosen to be in the public eye, flaunting a relationship with a guy barely divorced (who was supposedly devastated by his breakup). She says she will address it in the next book but won't answer an interviewer's questions? Whatever. That is her right. It just seems hypocritical to me.

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The Palins Get Real

"I never planned on being the mother of a son with special needs. I thought, God will never give me something I can't handle". Sarah Palin. Wow, most people with special needs children didn't plan on it unless they are those few amazing people who willingly adopt special needs kids. Maybe, at the age of 40-something, as the governor of a state, as the mother of 4 other children, you should have planned on using birth control. Just my opinion. And I won't refudiate it.

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That's it for this week. Tune in next week for more important analysis of movie star memoirs, reader mail rants, and reality show reality.

Funny Shit I Have Seen On Trips Around The USA.

As I have taken road trips over the years, I have seen lots of funny signs and store name and billboards. Here are some that i have written down in my little diary over the years with my exact comments.



2004:

The Munch Box- Alturas CA
Shasta Vibrations- Mt. Shasta City CA
Viddy OH!- Lakeview OR
The Belligerent Duck- Alturas CA
The Most Likely Cafe- Lively CA
Hallelujah, CA
B'Sghetti's- Carson City, NV
Sushi Aloha Chinese Kitchen- NV

2005:

Cramp's Liquor- NJ
Wawa gas station- NJ
Path Mark store- NJ--- stupid name for a store
Pizza Hut Italian Bistro- NJ
Neck Rd- NJ
Pump Branch Rd- NJ
Tuckahoe, NJ
Find it at Find's, Find's Furniture- NJ
Tiffany's Green Beans n Birds- NJ
The Perfect Church: for those who arn't- NJ
Turtle Nut Iced Latte- NJ--- Is it made from tortoise testes?
Pastabilities Italian Food- NJ
Super Fresh Super Store- Ocean City, NJ

2006:

The Taco Maker- Salt Lake City, UT
Pocatello Idaho, the Smile Capital- Pocatello, ID
Idaho is for Idahoans- ID bill board--- huh?
"No loitering after 5pm"- bank sign in Preston ID--- so it's okay to loiter before 5pm?
Hock It to Me pawn shop- Butte MT
Dead End, Meth St- MT
Jason's clothing and Shoes- Billings MT
Aluminum Crotters and More!- Billings MT
Schmaltz Meats- Linton ND
Welcome to Upton, Best Town On Earth- Upton WY
Welcome to Buffalo Country- Greybull WY
Idaho is to great to litter- ID
Blowing Dust May Exist- Tuscon AZ
Pollo Feliz- Tuscon AZ--- Happy Chicken!

2009:

Home of the Hot Dog- Toledo OH
Gus's YumYum Restaurant- Toledo OH--- If you have to call it Yum Yum, it isn't (Jacintho)
Fritz and Alfredo's German and Mexican food- OH
Killers Trucking- OH
Quaker Steak and Lube- OH
"God wants full custody, not just weekend visits"- church sign, farmtown OH
"Sin is a heart disease that only God can cure"- Mennonite church sign, OH
golden Buzz Bar- Wilmet OH
Eriesistable Souvenirs- Erie PN
Hott Tan! & Watches- Niagara Falls NY
Mighty Taco- Niagara Falls NY
Learnington is the Tomato Capital of Canada- somewhere near London, Ontario
Injure/Kill Worker, $7500, 15 years- Ann Arbor MI
Affordable Septic 254-POOP- South Bend IN

2010:

Dump Road- Manzanar CA
Erik Schatt's Bakkery- Independence CA
The Loco Frijole- Bishop CA
Infant of Prague Catholic Church- Bridgeport CA
Joe Bob's Chicken Palace- Reno NV
Dog Bar(f) Rd- Grass Valley CA
Taco Tree- Auburn CA
Odd Fellows Temple- "Instiduded 1852"- near Auburn/Placerville CA
Cool, CA
Sandy Mush Rd- between Merced and Fresno CA
Avenue 24 1/2- Chowchilla CA
Bravo Burgers Mexican Food- near Victorville CA
Corny's Shoes- Ridgecrest CA
Inyokern, Sunshine Capital of the World- Inyokern CA
DIP next 25 miles- near Ridgecrest CA


Hahahahaha. Enjoy!!

Nine years ago today

*Nine years ago I was a student at SDSU.
*Nine years ago my sister had moved to Albuquerque.
*Nine years ago I was working at Animal Hospital of La Jolla.
*Nine years ago I had developed Panic Disorder.
*Nine years ago I had not met Jason yet.
*Nine years ago I had been to Oakland to see Madonna in concert with Robyn.
*Nine years ago my cats were Kittonian, Krispy, Quilvio, Mama, Lambert, Pooter, and Jellybean. Ashes and Rascal may have been around and I had put Sheba to sleep on 9/10/01.

**Nine years ago I was sitting in the hallway waiting for my Music for Teachers class to start. I heard some people talking about a plane crash and asked them what had happened. That is how I found out about the planes flying into the World Trade Center. I didn't find out much more until after class when the administration made everyone leave campus. Christine and I drove in her car to have lunch at Marie Callendar's and I saw everything as a replay on the big screen TVs. I was horrified. I thought that a hundred thousand people would be dead. I cried. I wanted to know what happened. I was glad I did not see ANY of the disaster on television live. It was bad enough seeing it after it had already happened.
I remember the looks on the faces of the people in that picture where they are all running from the huge cloud of debris and dust and smoke and chaos as one of the towers collapsed. I felt horrible for them, having to be there in NYC, in the middle of terror. I wanted to drop everything and go help, just like a lot of people but especially since as a vet tech, I have medical skills. I remember watching TV with my dad that night and both of us crying. I lit candles that I kept on the front porch. I taped the flag insert from the newspaper to the window. I thought the world as we knew it was over and it was. I wrote this in my journal:

9/11/01
Tues

Today was the worst day
& most shocking day I
have ever experienced in
my entire life on this
planet.

This is unimaginable.
My heart aches for
everyone <3 (heart)


My heart still aches. I am still sad. I still cry when I see pictures or videos of that day. I have seen Ground Zero and paid my respects. I would like to do the same at the Pentagon and in that field in Pennsylvania where some of my fellow citizens died being brave. I will always remember what happened nine years ago.

A Random Post About Random Things

Item #1: (as in Murray's band meeting notes)
I have wondered a few times in the last few years, and especially when I hear the Sleep Train commercial on TV, how all the different mattress stores stay in business. I mean, how often are people really buying new mattresses? I have had the same mattress for 13 years (yes, I know I should get a new one). I just checked the East County/South Bay yellow pages and there are 4 Mattress Discounters, 5 Sleep Trains, 1 Banner, 1 Ortho, 1 Healthy Back, and 4 other miscellaneous mattress stores. That's 15 mattress stores in just 2 regions of our county. Are these stores ever so busy that they can't help all the customers? Are they usually empty? Are some of them listed in the phone book but actually closed now? I know the answer is yes to that, actually, because the Sleep Number store that was in Parkway Plaza is no longer. And in these oft-mentioned "bad economic times", I wonder even more about how mattress sales are going. I guess maybe I'll wander into a Sleep Train one of these days and ask them.

Item #2:
Last December, I traded in my beloved 1999 pine green Honda civic. Jason said once that I had the most popular-colored Civic and it rubbed me the wrong way, as if he was saying I was unoriginal. (He wasn't, I was just testy that day.) The car I got to replace the Civic (another Civic) is blue, Atomic Blue to be exact. Guess what? Every Single Day I see my car, at least once. I now have the 21st century's most popular color. Great.

Item #3:
I have had these little metal Sanrio (Hello Kitty's brand) containers filled with coins for years and years. One is full of wheatleaf pennies, another has other American coins, and then another is full of a bunch of foreign coins from a bunch of different countries. I decided recently to sort the foreign ones and see if they were worth anything. Guess what? They're not. I have coins from Japan, Korea, Australia, New Zealand, Mexico, The Netherlands, Canada, England, United Arab Emirates, France, Singapore, Malaysia, India, Hong Kong, and The Phillipines. I know where most of these came from: John (the ex-husband) brought coins from The Phillipines, Hong Kong, Australia, and Japan. My friend Angie gave me some from Japan and Hong Kong. John and/or Angie may have also gotten the Korean coins. The ones from the UAE have to be from my grandparents when they lived overseas. Same with the Singapore/Malay money. And I know that some of the Canadian $$ came from my own wallet this summer as well as the random Canadian penny that makes its way into a US cash register and into my hand as change. I do not know, however, how I got Francs, Dutch coins, or English pounds. I have never been to Europe and don't remember being given these coins. Needless to say, they are worth nada; the Currency Exchange at the mall only exchanges coinage in the form of pounds or Euros. The lady behind the counter told me I could sell my little collection for scrap. Haha. I think I'll give away the Pesos (0.07 cents to the $) and maybe sell some of the other older coins on e-bay. Or maybe I'll just dump them all back into their little tin can and let them collect dust for another 20 years.

Item #4:
I went to the El Cajon Oktoberfest this past Sunday for the first time. In the last 10 years, the La Mesa Oktoberfest has become less German and more Salesman ie: more crap to buy, more back-cracking chiropractors, more non-Deutsch grub (last time I checked, pizza was not German). I have not been to the La Mesa O-Fest for a couple years and this year, I decided I would check out the other East County sausage soiree. It was a lot different. Much smaller, it is held at the East County German Club (or something like that). There were maybe 30 vendors versus the couple hundred at La Mesa. There was only one place to get each type of German food- one pretzel stand (these pretzels are as big around as your head), one sausage/kraut/potato stand, one drink stand, one pastry stand, and one BierGarten. There were many men and women in traditional dress- lederhosen and those pretty dresses the women wear. There was one stage where the band played, one dance floor, and several rows of tables for people to use for eating, drinking, talking. I stayed for about an hour and a half (I ate about 1/2 of my enormous $5 pretzel) and left. I can now say I have been to the El Cajon Oktoberfest and I can say that once was enough. I definitely appreciated the authenticity but I felt a bit out of place as I could tell that many of the people who were there knew each other. I prefer the anonymity of the La Mesa crowd. Maybe next year, I'll go to Germany...

...and I'm Miss America

A tidbit from an article in this week's People magazine about one of the Housewives of New Jersey:

Danielle Staub says regarding plastic surgery rumors: "I haven't had anything done. Just my bubbies. Two times. " Regarding her face she says, "Botox! That's it. I had lip injections [for the first time] on TV."

Okay, so "I haven't had anything done" includes two breast surgeries, Botox at least once, and lip fillers. I know Botox and Restylane and the like are not surgical enhancements, but come on! These statements by her are akin to the ones Shasta makes fun of me for saying: "I haven't had anything to eat today...except for a hot chocolate, a bowl of cereal, some french fries, and a piece of pizza!" In my mind, whether surgical or otherwise, when a person alters the way they look, this is "having something done". Plus, just look at her face in the magazine photos! She has obviously had work done. My issue is not with this- it is with the way she both denies and admits to procedures in the same paragraph. Either tell the truth or tell people to mind their own beeswax! Don't lie when the truth is staring the readers in the face, pun intended.

I'm out...

I just work here...

So today seemed to be bad customer service day. The day started off fine, at the Chula Vista Nature Center where anyone involved with helping customers was nice. The customer-helpers at Fuddrucker's for lunch were also fine. So, off we (Jason was with me) went to PULSE bike shop to get my new bike fitted. As we entered the store, a guy with a huge German Shepard was leaving the store and in no way indicated or even looked like he worked at the shop. We stood at the counter for a couple minutes, hearing people talking in the back room. No one cam up to help us but then the guy with the dog was back in the store and said, "Is there something I can help you with?" I told why I was there and he seemed a bit perturbed, asking if I had made an appointment. I said no but he worked out with the guy in the back to trade jobs and fit my bike.

I can't say that Juan was rude but he definitely gave off an air of being inconvenienced by me walking in. When he needed me to get on the bike to fit it, he would say monotonely, "get on" or "get off". No emotion, no nothin'. At one point, he had to help another customer because the other guy working there couldn't figure out how to. I patiently waited as they were obliging me. Eventually, the bike was fitted but was found to have a defect where the bottle cage screws on so Juan said I would have to leave the bike. He took forever finding the info in the computer; when he finally handed me the work order receipt, I had to ask him if I was all set. He never made eye contact, never said "Okay, we'll call you!", never said "Thanks". Hopefully, next time I am in there, he will be in a better mood.

Next, I stopped at Walmart to get some 1 hour developing. I filled out the forms and the girl took my envelopes, saying, "See you in a hour!". Yes she would. I went to get a massage at So Relax and as I was being elbowed in the traps, my phone rang. As I left the massage, I listened to the message; it was words to this effect: "Hi, this is Photo Girl at Walmart and your film that you dropped off won't be ready in one hour because I have to take a lunch and there's no one here to do it so it won't be done but it will be ready by eight. Sorry about that." Click. What? Only 25 minutes earlier, she told me it would be ready. My question is: did she know ahe was going to be going to lunch during the time she was supposed to be developing my film? Did someone call in sick in the 20 minutes I had been away from the counter? I went back to the store and asked the lady who had come behind the counter to help another girl who was waiting for pictures, what the deal was. "Oh, she had to go to lunch." My question for her was: did she know this when I gave her my film and would I get a discount on the price since my film would not be done in 1 hour? She said she didn't know because she worked in electronics! Argh!! When I pick up my pictures tomorrow night, I will definitely be getting a discount!

So, now I was really miffed. I decided to calm myself by getting a Blizzard at the Dairy Queen in the mall. As I walked up to the counter, a couple of other people were waiting for their ice cream treats. The worker girl saw me, looked at me, said nothing to me, and then went into the back of the shop and had not yet emerged when I decided to walk away (about 1 minute). I chalked it up to my third strike of the day in good customer relations.

Maybe I'll get lucky tomorrow and Starbucks will screw up my hot chocolate...